Navigating Solo Dining and Solo Dates

There was nothing more peaceful than sitting down at a restaurant to finally eat after spending a day recovering from the loss of my phone and fanny pack at 6 a.m. in Barceloneta. I had used my only money (€20 under my insole) to get cash from a family friend just north of the city. And then I took a bus almost all the way back to Barceloneta for a solo date at a paella restaurant.

7 Portes graciously made space for me at a corner table, despite my missed reservation. The single portion paella I ordered was my breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the day. The silver lining of having my belongings stolen was that it was my last day in Europe. So I further indulged in a chocolate mousse (not nearly as good as my own, but it did the trick) before walking the dusk-lit streets back to my hostel.

Getting into Eating Alone

I made a conscious effort to push myself out of my comfort zone by going out to dinner alone while solo traveling. Either you get to try amazing food you wouldn’t otherwise have eaten, or you’re rewarded with interactions that remind you of the goodness of humanity. Or maybe you have disgusting food, but it’s still part of the plot.

As someone who would get anxiety any time I had to raise my hand or speak in class, pushing myself to go out for food alone was daunting. It can be uncomfortable. I’ve stood outside restaurants for what felt like too long, working up the nerve to go in and find a place to sit alone amongst groups. I’d take a book or watercoloring pad as my security blanket and a way to keep off my phone.

And I mean, what’s wrong with sitting alone at a table, treating yourself to dinner or dessert, and feeling like a little king watching over your feast.

This is actually a taste of how I felt when I sat facing a whole restaurant, happily shoveling spoonfuls of crema catalana into my mouth and taking care to maintain my posture.

Solo Dates

When I sit alone at a restaurant, my imagination flourishes with all my potential backstories. I love it. It’s like skipping on a walking path— it breaks you free of the default movements of the day. It says here I am, enjoying life.

You also shouldn’t wait for others in order to take charge and set out on an adventure.

I first dipped my toe in the waters of solo dining when I took a day trip to Ferrara while studying abroad. The town was oddly empty in a post-apocalyptic way— cold, grey skies, silent streets. But I stumbled upon a lively restaurant filled with locals.

I got to try the town’s signature dish: cappellacci di zucca, a pasta shaped like medieval hats and filled with squash. My waiter paid special attention to me despite the fact I didn’t have a grasp on Italian yet. That restaurant is what made my day trip enjoyable, and had I not ventured inside, I wouldn’t have found a taste for cappellacci.

In Palma de Mallorca this past summer, I went to a tapas bar with white tiled walls and a chalkboard menu. Two laughing men sat beside me, devouring their cauldron-like pot of clams while I struggled to chew thick pork belly fat. After accidentally squirting me with a lemon and turning to apologize, one commented on my Spanish speaking and how he thought I had been Spanish.

This was a very flattering surprise that made me take them up on the offer to try one of their clams. I clumsily reached my hand into the pot, feeling like a child with chubby, grubby hands grasping for a cookie in a jar. I usually don’t voluntarily eat shelled mollusks, but the men had such a good nature, I couldn’t refuse.

At another tapas place, I spotted a woman who was also eating alone with a book. I stationed myself near her, sipping wine and enjoying the buzzing energy of friends and lovers and family members laughing and chatting. I ended up speaking with some young English parents who asked about my book and proceeded to rattle off a list of fantasy book recommendations.

There are so many possibilities when you eat alone. You never know who you might meet, where the night might take you, or what you might discover about yourself.

There’s a power to the confidence you feel going to dinner alone. This feeling was elevated when I had no phone to distract me during my last supper. I chatted with my waiter who also had his phone stolen within the past day, scribbled about my day on my paper map, and once all the blank spaces were filled, I sat back and watched, smiling at some patrons who curiously eyed me. I told myself that one day, when I’m wealthy, successful, and still taking myself out to dinner, I will pay for a young woman’s solo meal.